4 years ago today I thought my life was over. Little did I know that this change was going to be for the best. Sometimes it's hard to say that... but deep down in my core I beileve it!
4 years ago today when he broke the habit by ending his life.... i wanted to take me and my unborn child with him. Know I know he served his purose and it was time for him to move on. I learned everything I need to learn. And it set me into a course of action that led me to where I am today!
Today I am a strong woman in sobriety! Wow... did I just say that? :) 4 years ago today I could have never seen this coming. Today I have a life beyond my wildest dreams! And it only gets better!
I know that I would not be here if I hadn't walked up to the door and found the coroners seal 4 years ago today.
RIP Heath
Friday, December 21, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I did the unthinkable.....
My Name is Dale and I'm an alcoholic.
I achieved 5 years sobriety November 6, 2003. My life was a mess: I had no sponsor or support and I'd made my then wife my higher power; I was doomed. a month later I found myself in jail after a 3 week run on alcohol and meth. That was December 7, 2003.
REWIND...
I had my 2 first whole drinks with my father at 6 years old. I remember them well.
Although we were a dysfunctional / alcoholic family, my parents did their best to raise my brother, sister and myself well. Because of abuse and molestation unknown to my parents I beacme very problematic and began to seriously drink at 8 and I was using cocaine daily at 13.
My life seemed managable until I was in my late 20's. I had a career in aerospace and earned a good salary. Outward apearences displayed a fairly normal person but inwardly and privately I was as sick as they come. I stared to stay away from even my drinking friends and gravitated toward those who drank and used hard. I was killing myself slowly and didn't care.
I was laid off from my job in 2003 and couldn't find anything that came close to paying what I was earning and getting dugs and buying alcohol in the quantities I needed became harder and harder to do. My life was unraveling and I couldn't bare to see my family or friends. I hated myself and was closer than ever to suicide. I became schizophrenic as I drank more and used more meth, cocaine and dexedrine. When I had little money I made my own speed out of inhalers, bathtub crank was what we called it.
By November of 1998 I had dissapered from my home, lived in shot out hotels in downtown Los Angeles or on the streets of Hollywood and LBC. I was lost, broken and without any care for myself. I felt worthless, alone and despaired. I wanted to die.
God though had other ideas. A man came to me and offered to get me into a program and even though I said no that day, 3 weeks later I changed my mind. i still don't know why I did. I can't say that I had a spiritual awakening yet and I certainly didn't feel like I wanted to really change but I said I'd try.
I did the unthinkable: I completed a program, attended meetings, worked the steps and followed direction.
I spent the next 5 years clean and sober and helping others. I met a very pretty woman and we married. Her 2 kids plus the one we had together made 3 and life was good for awhile. Things fell apart after 4 years.
I will avoid the usual finger pointing and blame. We destroyed our marriage and our lives together.
After 5 years and 2 weeks I was out there. Alcohol and Meth and crimes. I was strung out overnight... terrified and desperate. Thoughts of suicide began again.
On December 7, 2003. I found myself in county jail exhausted, broken and alone again. My wife wasn't with me when I was arrested and her and the children were safe. I had a decision to make. I flushed an 1/8 ounce of meth down the toilet in jail that the Sheriffs had missed in 3 searches. that's where my road back to recovery began.
In jail my wife divorced me and left the state with my son. I was hard timing it inside undil I entered The Sheriffs Treatment Program in side the jail. I was released and alone but I went to meetings, returning to the family I had known before. I worked hard to learn about myself and what made me who and what I am and how to not become who I had been ever again.
I'm happy to say that how I live my life now is simple: I live in today, do my best to work and play well with others, spend time with my God, follow the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous and LIVE.
Now, I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, I work with new comers in the rooms and at last I am at peace with myself. With others and with God" I love working with others and showing the love that others have shown me.
I am content with my life because the God of my understanding loves me and to prove it He gave me all of you as my brothers and sisters.
Last Friday, December 7, I celebrated 4 years of recovery.
My name is Dale Schuck and I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic.
Thank you.
I achieved 5 years sobriety November 6, 2003. My life was a mess: I had no sponsor or support and I'd made my then wife my higher power; I was doomed. a month later I found myself in jail after a 3 week run on alcohol and meth. That was December 7, 2003.
REWIND...
I had my 2 first whole drinks with my father at 6 years old. I remember them well.
Although we were a dysfunctional / alcoholic family, my parents did their best to raise my brother, sister and myself well. Because of abuse and molestation unknown to my parents I beacme very problematic and began to seriously drink at 8 and I was using cocaine daily at 13.
My life seemed managable until I was in my late 20's. I had a career in aerospace and earned a good salary. Outward apearences displayed a fairly normal person but inwardly and privately I was as sick as they come. I stared to stay away from even my drinking friends and gravitated toward those who drank and used hard. I was killing myself slowly and didn't care.
I was laid off from my job in 2003 and couldn't find anything that came close to paying what I was earning and getting dugs and buying alcohol in the quantities I needed became harder and harder to do. My life was unraveling and I couldn't bare to see my family or friends. I hated myself and was closer than ever to suicide. I became schizophrenic as I drank more and used more meth, cocaine and dexedrine. When I had little money I made my own speed out of inhalers, bathtub crank was what we called it.
By November of 1998 I had dissapered from my home, lived in shot out hotels in downtown Los Angeles or on the streets of Hollywood and LBC. I was lost, broken and without any care for myself. I felt worthless, alone and despaired. I wanted to die.
God though had other ideas. A man came to me and offered to get me into a program and even though I said no that day, 3 weeks later I changed my mind. i still don't know why I did. I can't say that I had a spiritual awakening yet and I certainly didn't feel like I wanted to really change but I said I'd try.
I did the unthinkable: I completed a program, attended meetings, worked the steps and followed direction.
I spent the next 5 years clean and sober and helping others. I met a very pretty woman and we married. Her 2 kids plus the one we had together made 3 and life was good for awhile. Things fell apart after 4 years.
I will avoid the usual finger pointing and blame. We destroyed our marriage and our lives together.
After 5 years and 2 weeks I was out there. Alcohol and Meth and crimes. I was strung out overnight... terrified and desperate. Thoughts of suicide began again.
On December 7, 2003. I found myself in county jail exhausted, broken and alone again. My wife wasn't with me when I was arrested and her and the children were safe. I had a decision to make. I flushed an 1/8 ounce of meth down the toilet in jail that the Sheriffs had missed in 3 searches. that's where my road back to recovery began.
In jail my wife divorced me and left the state with my son. I was hard timing it inside undil I entered The Sheriffs Treatment Program in side the jail. I was released and alone but I went to meetings, returning to the family I had known before. I worked hard to learn about myself and what made me who and what I am and how to not become who I had been ever again.
I'm happy to say that how I live my life now is simple: I live in today, do my best to work and play well with others, spend time with my God, follow the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous and LIVE.
Now, I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, I work with new comers in the rooms and at last I am at peace with myself. With others and with God" I love working with others and showing the love that others have shown me.
I am content with my life because the God of my understanding loves me and to prove it He gave me all of you as my brothers and sisters.
Last Friday, December 7, I celebrated 4 years of recovery.
My name is Dale Schuck and I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic.
Thank you.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Doing something different
That night I bought 12 hits of esctasy...by that point. that's what I needed to feel what you were feeling I ate 6 and snorted up 2...and put the rest in my pocket and walked out of the bathroom
I had depleated my natural serotonin so badly....that that I was mad or sad...that was it....only if I ate a handful of pills...could I feel ok for a minute...but it never lasted....and I would look in disgust at those feeling the effects...and start checking my pockets for more money.
I got tired of that life...and decided drugs were my problem stoped doing speed, e, coke, k, acid...and just started drinking. That way I could be a normal human being like you.
It was fun to be apart of normal society...going to legal clubs and bars. Alcohol gave me a feeling of relief at the end of the week.
When I got into an arguement with someone...or acted the fool...the next day I never blammed it on the alcohol...what did the alcohol have to do with it
blackouts began.....I did not pass out...just forgot bits and pieces of the evening, and that secretly scared me.
I began to start drinking after everyone else began to control it, I change the types of alcohol I consumed, I changed the people I drank with
I thought I was trying something new...but I was trying the same thing over and over and over...expecting a new result
I did not want to give up alcohol...it was my friend...it made me smile, it made me dance, it made me say things I would never have the guts to say
...oh but it made me do things I would never do sober...and that scared me
one morning I awoke...the night before was not any worse than any other night...but I could see myself doing what I was doing.....I could finally see it as an outsider looking in...I started to cry...I knew I was defeated......my sister in law went to meetings so I knew where some were....I put my hair back...threw on a hoodie, and went...I knew if I stopped to think about it...I would talk myself out of it and be stuck again
I have almost 2 years clean and sober
I went and listened and found a way to really do something different this time
MC
I had depleated my natural serotonin so badly....that that I was mad or sad...that was it....only if I ate a handful of pills...could I feel ok for a minute...but it never lasted....and I would look in disgust at those feeling the effects...and start checking my pockets for more money.
I got tired of that life...and decided drugs were my problem stoped doing speed, e, coke, k, acid...and just started drinking. That way I could be a normal human being like you.
It was fun to be apart of normal society...going to legal clubs and bars. Alcohol gave me a feeling of relief at the end of the week.
When I got into an arguement with someone...or acted the fool...the next day I never blammed it on the alcohol...what did the alcohol have to do with it
blackouts began.....I did not pass out...just forgot bits and pieces of the evening, and that secretly scared me.
I began to start drinking after everyone else began to control it, I change the types of alcohol I consumed, I changed the people I drank with
I thought I was trying something new...but I was trying the same thing over and over and over...expecting a new result
I did not want to give up alcohol...it was my friend...it made me smile, it made me dance, it made me say things I would never have the guts to say
...oh but it made me do things I would never do sober...and that scared me
one morning I awoke...the night before was not any worse than any other night...but I could see myself doing what I was doing.....I could finally see it as an outsider looking in...I started to cry...I knew I was defeated......my sister in law went to meetings so I knew where some were....I put my hair back...threw on a hoodie, and went...I knew if I stopped to think about it...I would talk myself out of it and be stuck again
I have almost 2 years clean and sober
I went and listened and found a way to really do something different this time
MC
Sober In So-Cal Invites you!!!!
Saturday December 22 at 3PM, at the bonfire pits in Huntington Beach, Ca will be the last day of filming for the documentary Sober In So Cal. The cast will be there, some of them meeting for the first time. Calling all sober people from Southern California and/or their supporters...for a late afternoon on the beach. Bring a sweater, a friend, and blanket or chair if you want to sit. We will be getting shots of the sober community together. Bring your sober friends and meet some new one's in the meantime. It will be casual and fun. Please mark your calander.....you are officially invited. Any questions? Go to our myspace to leave a message...
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